


Of Insecurites and Perfections

by liamology



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Lee Taeyong & Nakamoto Yuta Are Best Friends, M/M, Sm Halloween Party, although its not explicitly said, yuwin and luwoo if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-08
Updated: 2018-11-08
Packaged: 2019-08-20 14:45:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16557746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liamology/pseuds/liamology
Summary: In hindsight, it was Taeyong’s own fault that he was a gloating mess locked in a cubicle while Jae- Jackhyun spends the time of his life with JungRose in the banquet.Or, the SM Halloween Party inspired au because Jaewoo broke my Jaeyong heart then.





	Of Insecurites and Perfections

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own any characters and the plot is fictional but based on what I observe and feel. Hope you guys enjoy!

In hindsight, it was Taeyong’s own fault that he was a gloating mess locked in a cubicle while Jae- Jackhyun spends the time of his life with JungRose in the banquet.

It was two weeks ago after their return from US when Yuta suggested they should have a movie marathon since Winwin’s recommended song on their playlist was the Titanic soundtrack. ‘My heart will go on’ is blasted so often in their dorms Taeyong swears he would dispose all Yuta’s stereos if the latter even hums the first tune of the song again. However, since the Halloween party was near and neither of them had decided on what to dress up as, the whole nct found themselves sitting in the living room crying their eyes out at the sight of Rose pitifully drifting, Jack frozen to death by her side.

Taeyong was overtired and bored, too busy being curled up next to Jaehyun whom very much resembled one of Johnny’s plushies in his baby pink sweater that he paid about 10% attention to the movie. They had just returned from an excruciating day, his eyes were shutting themselves, his limbs fatigued and dead so he couldn’t really be blamed for not catching Jaehyun declare to the world that ‘I’m gonna be Jack,’ and Jungwoo’s barely audible ‘I’ll be Rose.’ Taeyong simply nodded into Jaehyun’s shoulders, snuggling closer as the younger chuckled, pulling his hyung closer while pecking his forehead.

‘ Hyung you’re such a baby. You didn’t even watch the movieee,’ Jaehyun whispers as he maneuvers the soundly-asleep elder, carrying him back to the room after finishing the entire film. Johnny gladly volunteers to take couch, uninterested in experiencing a cringe-worthy sight of Lee Taeyong being babied by Jung Jaehyun.

~

The next time Jaehyun subtly hints of wanting Taeyong to be his Rose instead was two days later, when Taeyong was scrolling through their twitter account on their bed, anxious to see what the fans want him to be this time.

 _Taeyong hyung is so cute,_ Jaehyun thinks as the elder stretches and yawns, reminding Jaehyun of a fluffy kitten in that oversized red hoodie, especially with sweater paws tapping on his phone. It pains Jaehyun to see his boyfriend this tired yet dedicated to the fans. Taeyong had always been a little too sensitive of people’s perceptions and opinions, always opting to please others first and putting himself last. As much as he longed for Taeyong to be his Rose (since he has his mind set on dressing up as Jack), he didn’t have the heart to ask seeing his boyfriend’s eagerness to please the fans. Besides, Jungwoo had already volunteered to be Rose.

‘ What are you doing?’ Taeyong smiles, sitting up straight to cross his legs. Jaehyun plops down on the bed beside him, stealing the phone away. ‘ You should be sleeping.’

‘ Was waiting for you to be done. And you say I take the longest in the shower,’ Taeyong pouts, earning a wide dimpled grin from the younger.

‘ Hyung, have you decided on your costume yet?’

‘ Hmm, I don’t know…. they want me to be Syaoran or Ken. What do you think?’ Jaehyun has not watch many anime in his life but he does know Taeyong will try his best in everything he does so it didn’t really matter what character he decides to play, he’ll pull it off grandly.

‘ I think you’ll look best as Rose though,’ Jaehyun blurts before realising.

Taeyong stares for a second, tilting his head in confusion before asking, ‘Who’s Rose?’ For a moment Jaehyun really wants to facepalm at their leader’s cluelessness and oblivion, but doing that would’ve made Taeyong feel bad and upset and Jaehyun really does not intend to hurt his big baby (Hyung, Taeyong would whine but everyone knows Taeyong’s literally 5 at heart) so he simply shakes his head, throwing the covers over both of them in attempt to silence Taeyong’s curious queries.

 

~

Taeyong ultimately finds out who Rose is two hours before the party when their stylists helps Jungwoo with the finishing touches of his makeup.

It wasn’t like him to not pay attention during movies; after all, he had watched Titanic a couple of times himself. However it just didn’t dwell on him then when Jaehyun had asked him to be Rose that he was referring to Jack’s female partner. It was at the radio station when Jaehyun had mentioned that he was going to play a certain role and Jungwoo had taken interest in being his partner. Taeyong himself stated that he was going as a character that would please the fans, although he couldn’t deny that it’s sad knowing he wouldn’t be dressing up to parallel Jae’s choice movie. Taeyong didn’t think about their costumes much after, assuming that it’ll just be a one-night thing, soon to be forgotten.

He was so wrong.

Jungwoo was stunning- flawless, the epitome of an ideal Rose. He could’ve easily joined Red Velvet with his impressive proportions and perfect smiles and if Taeyong was not a member of Nct, he would’ve mistaken Jungwoo for a real girl. It seemed like Jaehyun was visibly taken aback by Jungwoo’s beauty too when he entered the practice room an hour after, almost spilling his coffee at the sight.

‘ Wow, Jungwoo.... You look...stunning,’ he comments without noticing Taeyong who stiffens upon hearing the remark.

It stings, knowing that he wouldn’t be half as beautiful as Jungwoo if he had dressed up as Rose. The younger has a body Taeyong could only wished he had, lean at the best places with a delicate and slim waist despite having rock hard abs. The crimson velvet dress accentuates his figure, a regal air surrounding him, complemented by wavy mahogany locks which further highlights his well-contoured face. Jungwoo perks at the compliment, a grin that normally makes Taeyong coo spreads across his lips as he walks towards Jaehyun who was already in his Jack outfit, suspenders dangling, sleeves rolled up to reveal his fair arms. Jaehyun’s the face of the group to Taeyong, and although he was frequently deemed as the visuals instead, he knows Jaehyun’s looks were no less favoured by their fans. Twitter stans often call Jaehyun the dream prince. His manly physique, pure milky skin and charming smiles enamour everyone- the very same cheeky look that causes Taeyong to melt every time.

Taeyong was brought back to reality when Jungwoo wraps his arms teasingly around Jaehyun’s middle, earning delighted squeals from the members and staff alike. Taeyong didn’t know what to feel when he sees Jaehyun usher Jungwoo away during their Regular dance practice, despite trying to reason that they were just staying in character. To say that he was jealous was an understatement, but the fact that Jaehyun completely disregards his presence, treating as if the elder had not been there when they took photos hurt him more. Taeyong ignores the sharp pang in his chest when Jaehyun was literally two centimetres away from kissing Jungwoo in a selfie. Jaehyun did not even take a picture with him. 

 _They do look perfect as a couple_ , Taeyong thinks before slipping out of the practice room.

~

Jack and Rose were the stars of the night. Of course there was the adorable Groot and Key who dominated the party with his effortless Voldemort standee and Ten earning screams for his creativity as Monalisa- even Chenle gained reasonable recognition for his Pennywise outtake. But Jaehyun and Jungwoo were a fan and photo favourite, the ideal romantic couple everyone envied.

When Jaehyun laced his hands around Jungwoo’s perfectly angled hips, mimicking the iconic Titanic pose, Taeyong tried his best to hide behind a smile that turned out more like a grimace. The camera flashes and clicks were too much, too overwhelming. The fan screams rang incessantly in his head, a harsh reminder that he was not the one beside his Jaehyun.

Jack and Rose were called on stage. Everyone was entranced. Various artists posted pictures on their respective Instagram, Taeyeon's story even states for them to be happy as a couple. Taeyong hoped that Jaehyun and Jungwoo would not sit near him so that he could at least enjoy the evening. Taeyong cursed his luck. They had to be seated directly opposite. Every time Jaehyun looked at his direction ( apologetic smiles implying ‘I’m sorry, I’ll make it up to you, I promise hyung,’) Taeyong can't help but feel like a voyeur, a third wheel to Jungwoo’s and Jaehyun’s perfect Titanic romance.

He couldn’t do this. Insecurities have always troubled Taeyong, fending his thoughts like a parasite takes and takes until there’s nothing left. A sudden sickness envelopes him, the growing voice in his head harassing: You’ll never be good enough for Jaehyun. Kind sweet caring Jung Jaehyun who deserves to be with the best, someone petite, elegant and beautiful- Kim Jungwoo. _Not you._

He dashed out of the hall, barely stumbling into the nearest washroom, his vision swimming, ears deaf to Jaehyun’s concerned calls.

(Perhaps he had way too many cocktails, but _still- it hurts._ )

  
~

Jaehyun knew something was wrong. Taeyong had been silent throughout their ride, constantly looking with glassy eyes out the window at the moonless sky. Jaehyun had questioned what was the matter various times only to be curtly brushed off with simple ‘tired’ murmurs, which further showed that something was off because usually a tired Taeyong would mean extra cuddles for Jaehyun.

Taeyong’s mood worsened after the photo session and Jaehyun really begins to wonder if he had done something to upset his boyfriend. Deep down he knows Taeyong is unhappy about him attending the party with Jungwoo as his partner, but their leader was never the jealous type. Normally, he wouldn’t be petty about such things, calling Jaehyun silly if the younger implies that perhaps Taeyong was jealous when he pouts at the sight of his boyfriend hugging other members.

It was the last straw for Jaehyun when he sees Taeyong nearly lose his footing as he trips over Win Win’s cloaked chair after downing his fourth cup of vodka, or whatever alcohol contents were in those fancy Halloween cocktails. Taeyong doesn’t drink, his low tolerance results in terrible headaches the following day which the elder avoids knowing that he'll worry Jaehyun and everyone else. Dealing with hungover Taeyong is always a handful because he would be moody and whiny, refusing to eat anything. Taeyong always prefers to be pampered with sweets and chocolates at parties, which intensifies Jaehyun’s worries. Why was he doing this to himself?

‘Taeyong hyung!’ He calls only to be ignored. Jaehyun swears Taeyong runs even faster. Yuta eyed them, expression full of concern as he mouths ‘ What’s wrong?’Jaehyun shakes his head, standing up about to chase the elder.

‘Hey Jaehyunnie let’s take a picture,’ Hyoyeon invites suddenly, grabbing him by the arm while reaching for Jungwoo as well. Jaehyun wants to protest, he needs to check on Taeyong but he didn’t know how to reject the offer. He looks at the camera with a faint smirk, unbothered to mask his disinterest in selfies at this time, despite Hyoyeon’s nudges to smile. By the fifth retake, Yuta has left Winwin’s side to search for Taeyong.

Jaehyun tries his best not to punch the wall when he sees Yuta return with Taeyong pressed to his side, hand weaving across brown locks in comfort. _I should be the one taking care of him._

_~_

They do not talk to each other for the rest of the evening. Taeyong does not even try to be discrete in avoiding Jaehyun that by the time they reached the dorms, Jaehyun couldn’t hold it in anymore. He was seething, annoyed, confused, hurt as to why the older would ignore him. He grabs Taeyong wrist when everyone has retired to their rooms, dragging them into Taeyong and Johnny’s shared room (now occupied by him 95% of the time) while slamming the door shut. 

  
‘ What fucking happened? Why are you like this?’ Taeyong flinches, recoiling as Jaehyun promptly lets go of his harsh grip, mentally grimacing at how cold his words came out. ‘ I mean- I'm so-

‘ I’m sorry,’ Taeyong beats him to it, ‘ I’m so sorry for being a nuisance, for annoying you, for ruining your perfect night. I shouldn’t disturb you, should just get out of your sight. I-If you want to break-’ his voice was so small, choked up. Taeyong motions to leave and Jaehyun panics, pulling the older into a tight embrace, afraid that he’ll just slip out, run away and that would be their end. Why would Taeyong even think that Jaehyun wants to break up?

‘ Hyung, I’m sorry please don’t say that please. Why would I want to break up?’ Taeyong doesn’t look at him, eyes downcast, although he doesn’t push Jaehyun away, but instead fidgets with the cloth of the younger’s shirt. ‘I’m just frustrated because I don’t know what I did wrong and you're obviously upset because you never drink this much. Please stop ignoring me, talk to me.’ The soft hint of a whine in Jaehyun’s voice makes Taeyong feel like the world’s worst person. What did he do to deserve Jung Jaehyun?

‘I- I know I’m not perfect. I-my shoulders are too broad, my waist not tiny and fine, I don’t have nice curves or pretty smiles- I can’t look good in a dress. I’m not delicate and adorable like-’ his voice breaks, ‘ like Jungwoo… but I really love you and I’m sorry just give me time to a-adjust?….I know you guys will be better off without me as a couple,’ he whispers. For a moment, Jaehyun was shocked. He could feel Taeyong tremble in his hold, the wetness seeping through his dress shirt and muffled sniffs making Jaehyun’s heart clench.

‘Hyung, taeyong hyung, look at me please.’

He couldn’t. He doesn’t want to look up to watch Jaehyun’s expression, terrified that the younger will be mad. Jaehyunnie was his best friend before boyfriend. He couldn’t bear to see the disappointment etched on the younger’s face, perhaps the pitiful glance at Taeyong’s lack of composure, his inability to contain his jealousy, sadness, pain-whatever he was feeling.

Only when Jaehyun gently cups his cheeks while rubbing encouraging circles on his back, does he tilt his head up, puppy eyes filled with tears he’s been trying to suppress in futility. Jaehyun doesn’t look at him with scorn or malice or distaste, doesn’t shout or yell on how pathetic he is. He stares knowingly at Taeyong, (like all those other times when the older has his panic attacks) wrapping his arms tighter around Taeyong’s small frame. Taeyong’s so confused. Why was Jaehyun doing this to him?

‘I love you hyung. It’s always been you. So what if Jungwoo has a nicer figure than you. He has Lucas to take care of him. And he's taller than me hyung, the photos we took were so awkward. You're the one that fits perfectly in my arms. And so what if you can’t pull off a dress. I don’t...have that kind of kink.’ He mutters, feeling his own ears flush at the comment. ‘You’re the prettiest member in our group hyung. Everyone calls you the visuals of the visuals, the most ethereal human being in Korea. Your eyes are so beautiful every time I stare I swear I get lost in them. When you smile, the way your lips curve to form a pink heart makes me so soft because you deserve to be happy. And you’re so talented and dedicated in everything you do, we all appreciate it- your kindness. And I hate that you can’t see these things about yourself because you deserve to be cherished, to be loved. I hate that those people from last time made you so insecure about yourself. You said your not perfect and perhaps you’re right, because no human is perfect. But then again, I think you’re not human. You’re the most perfect angel. You're my source of comfort, my best friend, my guide. We said we'll stick together forever, I keep my promises. I won't ever break up with you. I need you in my life hyung. There's no Jung Jaehyun without Lee Taeyong.’

Taeyong takes a minute to comprehend everything before blushing so hard he feels as if he’s exploding of embarrassment. ‘Jaehyunnie...don’t say....stuff like this,’ he says, burying his flushed face into the younger’s chest, which causes the other to laugh.

Jaehyun pulls them apart, brushing away the tears. Taeyong’s makeup was smeared, his eyeshadow smudged and blush faded but Jaehyun still thinks he’s the most beautiful person alive. Thank goodness the elder is better. ‘ It’s all true. And you brought it unto yourself for not telling me earlier that you were just jealous. Who knew that all it takes were a few cheesy comments to bring you back to normal?’ Jaehyun grins, dimples evident as Taeyong punches him on those inhumane abs, cowering in humiliation.

‘Brat,’ he pouts then yelps as Jaehyun hoists him up, carrying the elder bridal style to the beds before mounting him.

‘You love me anyway,’ Jaehyun states, leaving sweet kisses on Taeyong’s forehead, cheeks and perfectly plush lips. Taeyong pulls him closer, moans into the kiss because he’s been touched starved for nearly the entire day- which is way too long for his very clingy self. _I love you too. Please don’t ever go._ ‘ I'll always be with you only,’ Jaehyun says, as if reading the elder’s mind. Taeyong smiles, thankful.

 

‘ Excuse me, I get that your melodramatic reconciliation is very romantic, straight out of the books, but please, someone else is in the room. Don’t corrupt my precious eyes!’ A sudden voice sounds from the bathroom, causing Jaehyun to jump off Taeyong as quickly as the other shoves him away.

‘ Hya! Johnny don’t scare us like that! When did you even come in...’ Taeyong glares, rushing towards Jaehyun who knocked onto the dressing table while stumbling back.

' Long enough to hear everything.'

Taeyong groans, his face tomato red. Both Johnny and Jaehyun simply laugh. When Taeyong tries to be intimidating offstage it never works, he just looks even cuter with a frown. They have no idea why fans would call their leader a Tsundere when he’s literally a child. Jaehyun allows the shorter male to help him up, while Johnny leans on the wall observing with folded arms.

Jaehyun snakes his arms around Taeyong’s middle, turning the elder so that they were facing Johnny in a very Titanic-like position. He rests his chin on Taeyong’s shoulders. ‘Johnny hyung, don’t you think Taeyongie makes the perfect Rose?’ he asks in English.

Johnny gags, rubbing his own forearms to stop the goosebumps. ‘ You guys are gross. I don’t even wanna ask. Jae stop being a possessive boyfriend around me, I don’t give two fucks about your romance, please. And Taeyong, you’re an idiot to think this whipped boy will ever let you go. I hope your ship sinks!’ Johnny yells as he grabs his Pooh plushie, rushing out of the room, declaring that he'll take the couch once again. 

Taeyong eyes the younger who was now staring up at him, mischief evident on his expression. ‘What did you tell him to traumatise him like that? It’s about me isn’t it?’ Taeyong huffs, which makes Jaehyun strokes his cheek fondly.

‘Just telling him that he should probably move out because I’m going to latch onto you forever.’

Taeyong shakes his head, ‘ I spoil you too much. But thank you for always staying by my side. I really appreciate it Jaehyunnie,’ he says seriously looking at the younger who hasn’t stopped smiling.

‘ Hyungggg, have some faith in me,’ Jaehyun pouts.

‘ You die in Titanic Jaehyunnie.’

The younger perks at that comment, reminding Taeyong of a drooling overgrown puppy. ‘ You were watching the movie! Why didn’t you say anything when I asked you to be Rose?’ Sometimes Jaehyun can be such a kid.

‘ I may be a bit behind on films but I watch blockbusters Jae,’ he rolls his eyes. ‘ And I didn’t think you were referring to that Rose when you asked…..Plus, Jungwoo had said he wanted to be her when I realised... so yeah. I can’t just steal his spot.’

‘ Well, you should’ve because Lucas really brought out the Thor in him at the party. I swear he was glaring at me the whole time!’ the younger whines. ‘Wait, so does that mean we would dress up as a couple next year?’ Taeyong couldn’t reject, not when his baby was staring up so endearing and longingly at him. He nods. Jaehyun squishes Taeyong so impossibly hard that he is sure he’ll bruise (in a good way) tomorrow.

‘ The members are right. If you were an Avenger you’ll be the Hulk,’ Taeyong admonishes while trying to breathe. Still, he doesn’t push Jaehyun away though, ruffling the younger's fluffy hair. 

(Later, Jaehyun would point out that the Hulk can be tamed by Natasha- ‘It’s settled! We’ll be the Avengers next year and I’ll get to see you rock the leather suit with your flat ass.’ His suggestive eyebrow wiggle would cause Taeyong to squeal ‘Pervert!’ while tossing pillows.)

**Author's Note:**

> So yes, that was the domestic but realistic? Jaeyong fic to soothe my heart after the amount of Jaewoo last week. I can't decide who deserves more uwu Taeyong or Jaehyun so yea... they're both babies. Anyways, sorry for the bad and inconsistent grammar and tenses because I can never get it right. Please leave lots of comments... I want to improve my writing since this is my first fic....


End file.
